Begins again...

School days, School days, good old golden rule days....

Yay!!  School has started.

I loved watching all the smiling faces walk into the classroom.  Seeing the excited greetings as students saw each other.  It is fun to watch them greet like long lost friends, even when you know some of them saw each other that morning.

A new class coming together makes connections in interesting ways.  I see some of the newer ones trying hard to make contact.  Slowly siding up to someone during the snack time and hoping to start a conversation.  I see the returning ones gathering together, not trying to be a clique, but just finding comfort in the familiar faces.  Some are excited and love to talk during circle, and some are waiting for the right moment, while others are quietly observing. 

There is a lot that can be learned from these first interactions.  Who needs a little guidance, who is already feeling overwhelmed and who jumps in with both feet.  With out thinking about it, people in new situations sometimes display the most honest, filter free glimpse into their temperaments. 

And that's just the Fall Parent Orientation...

Temperament is one of my favorite subjects.  It is interesting.  Think about Parent Orientation and then think about your child's first circle time this year.  You will find that you can tell a lot about who someone is, just by the way they behave at this time.  As I watched one of my preschool classes today, some children sang every song, some sang as we warmed up to the second one, and some didn't sing at all but you know they are singing all the way home in the car. 

One little girl was so fun to watch during music.  We were doing the "freeze dance" it has a lot of stops and starts, almost like different sections.  dance, dance, dance...freeze - dance, dance, dance...freeze.  You get the idea.  Some of these preschoolers, jumped right in and danced like they were on America's Got Talent.  They put all their energy into it and had a blast.  This little girl...at first she was just holding her scarf, not moving it or herself.  When I looked closely I could see she was intently watching the teacher dance around, and then watching her classmates and the parents.  She was soaking it all in.  Her mom was behind her and it was wonderful to see her just let her be.  She didn't force her to dance.  She even said to me "She's just taking everything in."   After a while we noticed her little hips moving, then the scarf, and then she was dancing.  It was great to watch.  She had taken her time and joined when she was ready.

What was so wonderful, was not that she danced, but that she was given the freedom not to dance.  That the whole class honored her temperament and let her explore in her own way.  The teacher was watching and said a few encouraging things, but she was given her space.  Everyone understood that she needed to do things on her own, and it is such a  powerful thing to be able to explore the world at your own pace. 

I always ask parents to think about their child's temperament traits and project those 20 years from now.  Who wouldn't want a son/daughter who examined situations closely before they jumped in.  By the same token we love and need those individuals who will jump in and charge forward.

Just like those parents in the parent meeting, you need everyone - all types.  Those that jump in, and those that take their time analyzing things from all angels before they take part.


Today's Parenting Lesson- Honor Who They Are.

Sometimes in Parent Ed, I ask parents to change the labels they have given to some of their child's more "challenging" temperament traits.  Imagine if you thought of your child not as "shy" but "slow to warm up"  This opens the door to so many possibilities.  What if your "frustratingly persistent" child was actually just super focused.  Your "highly sensitive" child was just "really in tune with themselves."   Turn the tables on your self.  Start accepting those things that you can't change.  Project those traits to an adult, and see how much you appreciate them. 

Sure, for some traits there will be those coping skills  that you want to help teach them.  My "slow transitioner" has learned to ask what's coming up and to start mentally prepping for the next thing.  This skill came because I recognized that as a child who didn't like transitions or sudden changes in routine it really helped to give plans a head of time, to explain who would be there, and what the expectations were.  After time my child starting asking these questions them self, and is the first one to want something written on the family calendar, and to check what the week is like.

Understanding who your child is, and what won't change can help you and them to become comfortable with who they are.  It can help you to understand where conflicts sometimes come from.  Being willing to analyse this in your child allows you to help prepare them for the world a head.  It also gives them the freedom to feel good about who they are and learn to express what they need.


Today's Life Lesson - Get to Know Yourself.

Not only that, but learn to love those things that are inherently you.  Not to say that you don't try on "new" hats.  Just to say that you acknowledge who you are.  That you embrace those things that make you unique.  Also, that you take a look at your own coping skills.  What do you notice about how you approach the world.  Do you cut off tags because they are always itchy?  Do you cry at movies?  Do you wait a while before saying things in a group or all you always the one to volunteer your opinion.  Who are you?  What do you need to enjoy your life...discover it and do it. 

For more information on temperaments check out these websites

http://www.preventiveoz.org/image.html

http://ohioline.osu.edu/flm02/FS05.html

Need to KNOW!

"What's this, a dinosaur?" I asked while passing the snack tray. One of my 3 yr old friends had brought a toy dinosaur to the table.

"Yes." (Okay note to self, no more yes/no questions)

"I love stegosauruses."

"It's not a stegosaurus, it's a (some really long dinosaur name), I have a lot of dinosaurs"

"What's your favorite?"

"The Tyrannosaurus Rex, but I like the (some other really long name) and the (ditto)"

This 3 yr old was dino off the charts. He knew names, descriptions, what they ate. He was in short a dino expert. I however as you can tell, can't even spell the names I know and refuse to attempt those I don't.

I talked to his mom after class and she was telling me how excited he was about dinosaurs. She knew all the names too. She talked with passion about how they would read stories about dinos, watch shows, and play with dino figures. This got me thinking back to the time, not so long ago when I was a truck expert. I know those of you who know me are amazed, but I could actually tell the difference between a front loader and a cherry picker. Why? Good question.

Because my child was into it. We would spend countless moments reading stories about trucks, just books that described trucks and YES watching the garbage man. The highlight of the week! Because it was important to my child I got into it to. I wanted to share in the excitement and help in learn about what he was "into" in that moment. Have you watched and excited 3 yr old watch the garbage pick up, or stand in awe at a construction site - how can you not want to support that enthusiasm. Just like the dino mom, I became the truck mom, and I'm sure many of you became the princess mom, or the bug mom, or the train mom. When our young kids show interest in something we do to and we do all we can to help them learn as much as possible and in the process become experts ourselves.

So WHAT HAPPENS?

Chatting with this Dino Mom made me realize that I no longer know everything there is to know about the things that interest my children. They are both into soccer and even though I have been to more games than I remember it is only recently that I can accurately tell you what an "off-sides penalty" is and that is thanks to the conversation above. It made me realize that I had forgotten to be interested in what interests the people I brought into the world. I also realized that I hadn't encouraged their interests the way I used to. Yes, I know that part of this is the natural development of parenting and I am letting them discover their own interests, but isn't that what they did as toddlers? Yet, then I helped them along and showed interest too. We had great conversations about things and both learned details and shared moments.

What happens to that? and What would happen if we never let that go?

So, I set out to learn about soccer. I got out of the car (yes, that was me cheering from the car on rainy days) and got into the sport. I actually read the info from the coach instead of asking my husband where the games are, and I can hold a pretty good conversation about what happened at this weekend's game/tournament. I know who was playing where (I'm still working on all the names) and what that position does. I have to say - I LOVE IT!! not soccer, but the knowing soccer, the being able to talk soccer with my kids and have them see that I'm genuinely interested in what interests them. It is great to say "You did some really good defending out there, it seems like you are connecting with the ball and can read the field to know where it should go." or " Yep, if it wasn't for those corner kicks..."

For those of you in class, remember all that talk about praise vs encouragement? Well, this is the ultimate in encouragement. If you don't know what you are talking about it does become empty praise. Knowledge give us authenticity with our kids. It also shows them that what they care about is important to us too. We can have conversations that don't revolve around who needs to do what.

Think back to when you felt that your children stopped listening. It could have been, just around the same time you stopped being interested in their interests. What was left to talk about?

Today's lesson: There are a couple. The first is to get interested. What is it that you are so passionate about you want to know everything there is to know. Can you really be a Jane Austin fan and not know her birthday? (12/16) What about knitting, or football, or running - what is it that you want to know more about? Figure it out and find out. Let your passion become the thing that drives you to discover the detailiest of details. The second is get to know the interests of those people who are important to you. Be truly interested in what someone has to say about something that is important to them. Actively listen. Ask questions and look up information to share with them. This exchange of passions doesn't have to stop as we get older, in fact it should become deeper and more interesting.

Today's Parenting Lesson: Keep up with interests. Don't stop getting to know what they know just because they are getting more independent. Share stories and learn together. Be the one they want to come to with new facts. Imagine the power you have as a parent if you start sharing information with each other. Don't be afraid to not know it all, good things happen when our kids get to teach us things. Use their interests to foster literacy. Bring books home, read articles. Of course you will have to understand that these interests will change. So be flexible. Just because I learned a lot about soccer doesn't mean that I should now be frustrated because I'm about to go read up on swim meets. How do those things work anyway and why do we have to sit there all day just to watch her swim twice? Hmmm guess I better go figure out how far 100 meters is, and whether that is one lap or two.

Any comments?
Let me know what you're interested in, and how do you share your child's interests without taking them over?

Giving up the perfect!!

It has been a while.

I would like to be able to say that I had writer's block and then reached some big profound epiphany and am now about to enlighten you with some of the greatest insights ever blogged. But, I can't. I did have writers block, but not in the typical can't think of what to write way. Wonderful children gave me great ideas every day and I was excited to sit down and put them on paper. Instead, I was blocked by my own desire for perfection. I didn't post, because I wasn't sure what I wanted to say was good enough, grammatically correct and entertaining.

In short - I was afraid of not being perfect.

How did I overcome it? By spending quality time with preschoolers. I watched these little people work hard at just doing. They find joy in the process and do not look for perfection in their results. They are the epitome of creativity and by watching them take risks I have become a risk taker.

For example...

In the 3-5s class I watched a child at the easel. She grabbed one paint brush, painted a little on the paper and then moved on (her painting was placed to dry). The next child came up and took a paint brush, used it on the paper for a while, grabbed another color, painted, grabbed another color painted some more - and then moved on (his painting was placed to dry). The third child came up stuck her hands in the paint, and proceeded to paint using her hands in swirling motions on the paper until she was finished.

All of these children were experiencing art, colors, sensory and CREATING without concern for the how, or the what.

A group of preschool girls, when given the opportunity will put on a "princess show" that doesn't follow and play writing class's version of an accurate script. But will in, their minds, have a beginning, middle, and end.

A preschool boy, can take a dollhouse, add some blocks and "cannons" and then invite you to play in his pirate ship.

Give any age preschooler a musical instrument and you will be gifted with a concert.

I am amazed and a little envious and this freedom, this passion for process that too quickly disappears and becomes a strive for product.

So...I am back at it. Like the children that I have the pleasure of spending time with. I am going to jump in and take chances. You might have to have patience will my commas, periods or dashes and you might be a little put off by my lack of perfection, but I am taking my cues from the experts on creativity and striving for the best in process I can create. I am hoping that good will come from my observations and that parents,students and friends will continue to find value in what happens "at the playdough table."

To play with a quote from "The Early Learning Challenge: Raising the Bar" — Secretary Arne Duncan's Remarks at the National Association for the Education of Young Children Annual Conference

I am not going to let "perfection become the enemy of the good."


Today's lesson - BE CREATIVE. Just go for it. Try your hand at something just for the pleasure of trying it. Add chopped Heath bars instead of chocolate chips. Start a journal or blog. Grab some markers and paper and play. It is the New Year - make your resolution to just "try" Don't worry "if its not good enough for anyone else to hear..." or see, or read - just do it for your self and the sit back and enjoy the GOOD that resulted when you defeated perfection and didn't let it get in the way of your success!!

Today's parenting lesson - Let them CREATE. Try your hardest to stop asking, "what is it." and commenting on what they do. Yep, maybe they are going through a million pieces of paper and each has only one line on it, but perhaps they are trying to figure out something we have yet to understand, or they could just like it that way. This time in life, this freedom to do, without concern for the outcome lasts only a little while. Lets see what we can do as parents to extend it and let them explore without the limitations of expectations.